The Koch Curve of Cool
Forget Libertarian-Authoritarian or Conservative-Liberal. The Koch Curve Of Cool is the only meaningful ideological map in 2025.
The Koch curve is a fractal shape that starts as a straight line and becomes increasingly jagged by repeatedly adding smaller triangles to its edges. It looks like a snowflake and gets more complex with each step, never quite reaching a finite length.
I posit that oldhead libertarian Nick Gillespie (editor-at-large Reason Magazine) roughly defines the median between gay and cool. We will call this the Gillespie Median. As for the two sides, don’t think of them as having anchors per se. Neither of my selections perfectly personifies the outer reaches of each respective side—although a good case could be made for Delon. They’re only meant to be generally emblematic of each side of the Gillespie Median.
For the gay side, we use Emily Bazelon, I don’t know if she’s even been heard from in a decade, but she pretty well personifies the gay side from what I remember. On the cool side we’ll use Alain Delon, cause duh. So you end up with anything left of the Gillespie Median being within the Bazelon Region (Gay). And anything to the right side of the Gillespie Median can be said to be contained within the Domain of Delon (Cool).
Ugly things Aren’t Always Gay But True Beauty Is always Cool
Before we begin, you need to understand that anything can be evaluated simplistically on the Koch Curve of Cool. But, you can also descend deeper into both the Bazelon Region and the Domain of Delon. Such that, we might say that, for instance, Clarence Thomas is cool, but if we want to be more descriptive, we might say that Justice Thomas is 14 Delons Deep (14D for short), a product of his longstanding status as cool.
Conversely, the same can be done on the gay side. Let’s take the Ewok from Return Of The Jedi, his name is Wicket by the way. He is extremely gay and has been so for many many decades, he’s also the avatar of the global south, so we might say that he is 37 Bazelons deep (37B for short). But it’s not just a product of time, that’s just one way to use Bazelon / Delon depth. You can use it for anything really. But the idea is, more Bazelon depth is bad. More Delon depth is obviously good. But things can be extremely gay or cool without necessarily having a ton of, or any depth at all.
Look, you’re not going to agree with many of my calls. And that’s fine. The fractal nature of our universe is infinite, and ultimately, placing things on the Koch Curve Of Cool is a subjective and aesthetic practice. I will leave the comments open.
Okay, let’s begin:
Racism is kinda cool. Depending on how and why you are racist determines its Delon depth. When adopted also plays a role here.
Lived sexism is somewhat cool and can have Delon depth in certain circumstances.
However, talking about being sexist online is very gay but with no real Bazelon depth.
Whereas, making a career of misogyny brings one nearer to the Gillespie Median but adds enormous Bazelon depth.
Democrat party is obviously extremely gay.
All flavors of communism are generally pretty gay.
Republican Party is right over the Gillespie Median, definitely not cool, but also not gay.
Barack Obama is both actually gay and in Koch Curve Theory, also, extremely gay. Bro doesn’t even lift.
However, “bro do you even lift” is quite gay now.
Harvard and all of the Ivies are super gay and reach far down into the depths of Bazelon.
Being rejected from Harvard despite being an Aryan god with a 4.0 and 1600 SAT is pretty cool. And depending on how you play it, your capacity for Delon depth could be a sight to behold.
Joe Rogan is pretty near the Gillespie Median and vacillates back and forth on both sides.
However, rare clips of Joe Rogan reading fleshlight ad copy are extremely cool.
Cutting your dick off to become a woman is extremely gay with a lot of Bazelon depth.
Whereas, cutting your tits off to become a dude is only somewhat gay with no real Bazelon depth.
Being a pornography induced Autogynephile who at least owns it is somewhat cool (though we should still severely shun these people to discourage it)
Regretting cutting your dick off and talking about your regrets on podcasts is square over the Gillespie Median nowadays. Was somewhat cool for a bit, but is shifting left.
The word based has passed the Gillespie Median into quite gay and will be totally gay by years end.
Senator Based Mike Lee is obviously, extremely gay.
Despite most of its writers being on or near the Gillespie Median. Reason magazines staffers combine together to causes an output of extremely gay. Maybe this is an example of quantum physics, I’m not sure.
The New Yorker is obviously extremely gay. At this point sitting at roughly 28 Bazelons. But is capable of descending much much further as it loses its prestige in its death throes.
Having a New York Times subscription is quite gay. The length of tenure of your subscription determines how many Bazelons deep you are.
King Trump forever in your heart is extremely cool. Perhaps still the coolest thing you can believe. Obviously much Delon depth as well.
However, King Trump posting on the timeline all of the timeline. Somewhat gay.
Reasonable person IQ posting like that of the I/O guy on X is extremely gay with minimal Bazelon depth.
Getting wound up about Austen Metcalf murder and posting about it for weeks on end is near to the Gillespie Median.
Believing in your heart that we just can’t live around them but rarely sharing that online is pretty cool and in some ways many Delons deep depending on the particulars of your situation.
SSRIs and most modern psychiatric medications are extremely gay and many Bazelons deep.
Whereas MAOIs are extremely cool and like 10 Delons deep. Only if you actually feel you need them of course.
Hot mothers with no public profile are extremely cool and are 17D+.
Women in public life are almost always gay.
However Camille Paglia is extremely cool, though not very many Delons deep.
Hating on Revenge of the Sith is near to the Gillespie Median but many Bazelons deep.
The first season of the show Andor is surprisingly cool.
Zoomer men are often quite cool. And some will achieve enormous Delon depth as they age. Others will not.
Underwear is quite near the Gillespie Median but on the gay side.
Owning zero pairs of underwear is extremely cool and many Delons deep.
Being gay(TM) is extremely gay.
Buttigieg, Thiel, and Bessent style gay is extremely creepy and quite gay. As for it’s Bazelon depth, I’m not sure tbh.
That said, Scott Bessents pink house is quite cool and a few Delons deep.
Grindr bathroom-style gay is just past the Gillespie Median in gay but could maybe become slightly cool if they become extremely bigoted against trans.
Tesla vandalism is only somewhat gay but 957 Bazelons deep.
Note, being near to the Gillespie Median but having tons of Bazelon depth is a brutal reflection on you as a person. In many ways it’s much worse than being extremely gay but with no Bazelon depth. Because it means you’re a normie with a normie life, but deeply passionate for meaningless gay causes.
Christianity is always hovering over the Gillespie Median.
However during the Crusades and Age of Exploration it was extremely cool.
That lesbian pastor who chided Trump is super gay and at least 10 Bazelons deep.
If you attend a church like that, you are even worse.
Islam is an extreme case of somewhat gay but 1 Million Bazelons deep. Maybe the ultimate NPC belief.
Amish is quite cool and a has a few Delons of depth to it, maybe even more, not sure.
Mormonism is quite gay.
Harvey Weinstein is extremely cool but has no Delon depth.
Tucker Carlson himself these days is actually somewhat gay.
However, Tuckers show is still somewhat cool
John Wayne Gacey is beyond cool and has enormous Delon depth.
Writing on Substack is usually extremely gay and in the worst of cases it has a lot of Bazelon depth.
Being prolific and literary in the Amazon product reviews is extremely cool
Wondering why I couldn’t just use cringe instead of gay to get along, that’s very gay and has some amount of Bazelon depth to it.
White chicks saying the N word on camera in public is quite cool for now, but as with anything chick, it’ll cross the Gillespie Median into gay almost instantly.
Body shape-ism wherein only women with hourglass figures are considered real women is maybe going to be cutting edge cool soon.
Using Ewok to refer to brown people is sorta cool but lacks Delon depth.
“I don’t watch tv” is extremely gay.
Whereas, actually watching tv is near to the Gillespie Median but has a ton of Bazelon depth.
Thinking that one word titled shows like Succession, Severance and others are “brilliant” is gay beyond belief and has Bazelon depth of at last 23 if not more.
Rap music is actually gay apparently and of course also… very gay.
Country music is perfectly centered over the Gillespie Median.
“Music makes you dumb and is always noise polluting your mind,” is kinda cool but will be soon be brought nearer to the Gillespie Median and given enormous Bazelon death by NPC strivers in 3…2…1.
Weed is gay.
Not drinking is near to the Gillespie Median but has a Bazelon depth of 7. It can get so much worse though.
Eating your wife’s pussy really well but not too frequently is cool and often has significant Delon depth.
Eating your Tinder dates pussy is near to the Gillespie Median and has a lot of Bazelon depth.
Blue eyes are only somewhat cool now but can never actually pass thru the Gillespie Median, so don’t worry.
Green and (predominantly green) Hazel eyes are now very cool and are maybe at around a 3 in terms of Delon depth.
Distinguishing between black and hazelnut eyes (ridding yourself of the false category of brown eyes) for purposes of better racism is pretty cool and maybe will be able to achieve some Delon depth.
Huge dicks are near the Gillespie Median but somewhat gay.
Whereas, beautiful penises are now quite cool and could get some added Delon depth.
Perky tits are somewhat gay.
Tits with optimal hang coefficient are extremely cool and have enormous Delon depth.
Jeans are always cool and are the obverse of Islam in some ways. Delon depth in the millions.
Linen clothes are always cool (see Bible).
Elegant teak sex toys off Etsy are pretty cool and are maybe 1.5D.
Complex sex toys in garish colors are gay but near the Gillespie Median and are about 7 Bazelons deep as it stands today.
Carnivore is extremely gay.
Peating is kinda cool but is rapidly nearing the Gillespie Median and will soon be gay. Whether it achieves significant Bazelon depth when it becomes gay is unclear to me.
Psychopathic Incorrect Peating where you live on only Milk, Mexican Coke, and fresh-squeezed Orange Juice is extremely cool and 26 Delons deep. If you could buy deep OTM options on this, even at these levels, it would probably be a good buy.
Plant-based is near near the Gillespie Median but has 76 Bazelon Depths to it. There is no floor.
Refusing to speak with your female middle school teacher is extremely cool and always will be.
However, Andrew Tate himself is quite gay.
Hookah holds the record for longest time spent at the outer reaches of extremely gay. As such its Bazelon depth is unknowable and approaching infinity.
Cigarettes are always pretty cool. Depending on who you are and how hot you are, smoking can have significant Delon depth.
Sleeping with your teenage students (if you are hot) is extremely cool.
Sleeping with your student if you’re ugly or fat is near the Gillespie Median and has a lot of Bazelon depth to it.
Trump himself is extremely cool and has a ton of Delon depth.
Elon is extremely gay but doesn’t have any real Bazelon depth which is his saving grace I suppose.
Normie MAGA is near the Gillespie Median and barely cool. Nevertheless, it manages to have a lot of Delon depth.
Podcasts are extremely gay now.
Being tan is always extremely cool and is a 49 Delon depth at least in most cases.
Skincare and sunscreen is near the Gillespie Median and has a lot of Bazelon depth.
Sunglasses used for aesthetic purposes are extremely cool.
But, Raw dogging the sun most of the time to hit your melanopsin receptors is pretty cool too.
Vitamin D supplements are near to the Gillespie Median with a Bazelon depth of 5.
Whereas getting Vitamin D from the sun is quite cool with significant Delon depth.
Credit: Kaboompics.com Pelvic Floor dysfunction is extremely gay.
Perfectly healthy loins is extremely cool.
Making everyone think about your 27 year old pussy being pounded out by a 60 year old boomer from the Whitehouse podium is extremely cool… for now until it wears off.
AOC is gayer than Wicket and fast-becoming fat. Her eyes are black, not brown.
Mixed race used to be gayer than just plain old black.
But the blacks have really been working hard and have made being black one of the gayer things you can be in 2025. Unsure how to characterize their Bazelon depth tbh.
Nancy mace is extremely gay. Ironically she is also very trans in multiple ways.
Amy Coney Barrett is near to the Gillespie Median but her Bazelon depth is unfathomably deep.
Conservatards who advocate for putting women on SCOTUS are gayer than Freddie Mercurys rectum.
Female lawyers are near the Gillespie Median but usually at around 13 in terms of Bazelon depth.
Struggling to achieve orgasm is always extremely gay.
Being highly pneumatic as a woman is always cool. This doesn’t mean the woman herself is cool though. As a rule women are gay and usually have high Bazelon depth.
Megyn Kelly is extremely gay.
Whereas Dana Perino is quite cool all things considered.
That’s Enough For Today
Go off in the comments. But know that I will liberally block or return fire on any libtards who try to insert falseness. As for normgroids who just have no taste and might get it wrong, I’ll try to be nice.
As for the rest of you, I’d love to hear from you about things you see out in the world and how you would evaluate them using the Koch Curve of Cool. As mentioned up top, these are just some first-line thoughts, I’m sure I got some wrong so feel free to let me know, I can handle it.
Thanks for reading.