Noticing Your Loins

How well do you know yourself?

"Something deep inside her unfolded and relaxed, and she was given to a cosmic influence."

— D.H. Lawrence, The Sun, Section II, 1928

You may not have noticed, but if you sit too much, you probably have some level of pelvic floor dysfunction. Men often have some level of hypertonic pelvic floor disorder. Some of you won’t, but most of you might wanna make sure either way.

You’re All Clenched Up

Your pelvic floor muscles are the trapezius muscles for your asshole, it is a part of your cock and balls complex, it surrounds your rectum, it cradles the bladder, it is, in a word, your bottom. And it’s tight, more concretely, it’s dormant and hard like concrete. Your loins are asleep, curled into tight fists. You have some degree of pelvic floor dysfunction.

You unconsciously clench your loins all of the time. This makes your posture terrible. It makes you ugly, it fucks with how you breathe, it’s probably the root of your complex G.I. issues, and it’s not any fun at all. But you’re so deep into some level of pelvic floor dysfunction that you don’t even know you’re in it. You can’t hardly feel that it’s tight.

You wash the dishes and you’re clenching. You workout, okay, tighter clenching. You cum, maybe more clenching. You struggle with bowel movements, perhaps straining will help. But when do you consciously release? Do you even know what it feels like to release anymore? When do you foam roll your assholes traps?

What Is The Pelvic Floor

Your loins are a part of you that make you feel young and vibrant. It’s not just your sex organs, it’s the base of your core. It supports everything about you, and it’s tired of never getting a chance to relax.

Your loins are a complex of muscles at the bottom of your torso that hold you up. Really, you can think of it as your anus, rectum, prostate, penis and all that comes with it down there.

It’s the base of you and it’s the tightest, least mind-muscle-connected part of you. Your problems aren’t downstream of anything, they’re upstream of your asshole traps. Your loins aren’t healthy at all.

You’re Not Gonna Like This Part

How do we heal your pelvic floor dysfunction? Well, like I said, these are the traps of your asshole, that’s how we need to think about them. What can we do with tight traps, that’s right, foam roll them.

How do you foam roll your asshole? Forget sitting on frozen water bottles or grinding lacrosse balls into your ‘glutes,’ half measures are a waste of time. And sure, you can go on r/pelvicfloor and other forums and read for days on end, or you can skip straight to the end. You can do one thing, one time, and see whether it works for you or not. Do you trust me?

Okay, we are going to dilate your asshole anon. Nothing gay about this, this is Sol-Brah level physical therapy plain and simple. Physical Therapy, you are about to do some major PT on your asshole because guys like you wanna be performing optimally don’t you? How well do you really know yourself?

Here’s What You Do

Buy the Silicone Vaginal Dilators - FDA Cleared kit off Amazon. No veins, no glans, nothing Grindr about this at all. These are the most government endorsed, sterile, workmanlike devices available for the task. Maybe Sol-Brah can make a classy teak set, but for now, this will do.

Start with the smallest size in the box. That’s 1“ diameter; do you remember pi? Ya’ll be fine. If you cannot manage it, the problem is severe or you’re being a diva (smaller set here). Put coconut oil on the whole thing, yes even the bottom, the whole thing slathered in coconut oil. Take a deep breath, put a towel down on your office chair, get seated comfortably, and remember to sit up straight young man. Notice the foreign object, begin to breathe deeply, belly in, belly out. 30-60 mins.

You are trying to wake up your loins by noticing them. Your brain will quickly begin to notice. You’re noticing! Notice your loins as they awaken. Work on your computer, type out a substack, scroll a bit, post a banger. Notice, and relax, use the foreign object to feel your way to releasing.

Releeeaassee the tension.

Good Job

Now that it’s cleaned, put away, and forgotten… begin to notice yourself when you involuntarily clench while doing the dishes, when you’re taking a long walk, while you’re sitting in bed. Use what you learned in PT, relax just like you did during PT.

Notice, release, and relax. Repeat PT every other day until satisfied with progress.

What It Might Do

• Fix Your Posture

• Correct Facial Asymmetries

• Treat G.I. Bowel Disorders

• Improve Sexual Function

• Reduce Anxiety

• Improve Salsa Dancing Skills

• Encourage Proper Breathing

• Become A Better Noticer

All Done

You lift weights and stretch, you eat a nutritious diet, you walk plenty and get lots of sunlight, but are you sure you’re noticing yourself down there enough? Are you noticing your loins anon? How well do you really know yourself?

Sources

This post was inspired by this reply by yours truly

And this followup reply

The truth is that this is a way bigger problem for men than women hence this post being directed at men. Most women are cognizant of pelvic floor health, whereas most men are not.

Up Next (Another Time)

• Theory: Gay is oftentimes a behaviorally reinforced initial-health-consequence of undergoing rectal dilation.

• Observation: Great sex is when two people with optimal pelvic floor function have sex.

• Theory: Things like NoFap, IBS, SIBO, SIFO, Candida, and most mental health challenges get the chain of causation wrong.

• Observation: Pelvic floor googling massively overcomplicates things. Skip directly to rectal dilation and don’t waste your time with any other treatment.

Disclaimer

I am mere theoretical scientist for purposes of this piece.